Monday, May 20, 2013

Why I Stopped Starting...

Some of you may be wondering why I stopped writing my weekly posts about Jon Acuff's Start. I'm still making my way through the amazing book, but I lost my motivation. I wrote here about how I was trying to drive as much traffic to his book site in competition with other Blissdom bloggers in hopes to win a trip to Nashville to have dinner with Jon Acuff and Dave Ramsey. I'm still convinced that no one wanted the trip as badly as I did, but I didn't win.

In fact, I didn't even make the top five. I'm confident I was #6, though.

I got an e-mail in my inbox several weeks before the end of the competition encouraging me (and everyone else!) to keep up the good work. The e-mail also included the top 5 bloggers. The email was positive and said that there were only a few points between the top bloggers and to keep working hard until May 1st. But my name wasn't on the list. At. All.

I was so bummed. I tried hard not to be bummed. I considered keeping up the good work and still writing, reading, and pretending I was #1. But the other 5 bloggers were all big name bloggers and I figured one of them would win. I was bitter, frustrated, and upset. I really wanted to win.

So I completely stopped reading. I still carried Start in my purse, but I wasn't reading it at all. I was mad. I don't know who I was mad at, but I was mad. I tried my hardest and didn't win. I was proud of my effort, but I wasn't going to win. These things happen. I'm so thankful I started, pushed myself, and shared my thoughts. I am disappointed I stopped.

The bottom line is that I didn't do it to win. Of course I wanted to win, but I did it for the same reason I write just about anything - to help others. I hope that some of you read my posts about Start and were inspired to start. I hope that some of you were inspired to read Jon Acuff's book because you needed a good kick in the pants. But when I didn't win, I forgot what my motivation was. I gave up. And that's not cool.

So it'll be back. I'll write more of my thoughts and what I got from the book. Honestly, I'm still processing it. I'm figuring out what I want to start. I'm figuring out what I've mastered and how I can guide others.

Anyway, I've been feeling guilty that I just stopped starting for y'all. I wanted to come clean. I had a temper tantrum. But I'm back now. :-)


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