I also try to balance the tough stuff with the beautiful moments. I'm careful not to complain about my life too much, share only the cutest pictures on facebook, and make sure that I'm portraying my family in the best light possible. I've been accused of having a "perfect" life. I'm not sure what perfect means, but I'm pretty sure nothing in my life is perfect. It's a tough balance - not perfect, but a little prettier than real life.
This morning I read Amanda's post and both nodded in agreement and felt the sting of guilt all at the same time. Pregnant with a baby boy after heart ache, infertility, and miscarriage, Amanda knows this baby is an incredible blessing from God. And yet, she's hearing the tough stuff without the beauty. I was convicted. I've been a mama for just over 2 years and the moment Wesley was born, my life was completely changed. It's been painful, difficult, challenging, and tough in ways I couldn't have imagined, but it has also made my heart and life explode with love. A love that I didn't know existed inside of me was unleashed the day Wesley was born.
Today, in honor of Amanda and all the soon-to-be mamas and daddys out there, I want to share the sweetest moments of the past 25 months and 8 days.
- The last Sunday before I had Wesley I was 40+ weeks and uncomfortable. And yet I wept during worship, praying over my huge belly knowing that soon our baby would be with us for real. I cried in Target that day picking out a girl's outfit, just in case.
- After a seriously intense labor, the moment Wesley was placed on my chest, I knew what love was all about. In the middle of the night after Wesley was born, the nurse came in and woke me up, telling me to wake Wesley up and feed him. He didn't want to be awake, so Jarrod and I just spent a few quiet moments staring at him. We would have done anything at all for that tiny baby we just met. Life is over.
- There were many nights where I fell asleep nursing Wesley in the middle of the night. I woke up panicked - what if something happened?! - but he was safely tucked in on my chest. All is right in the world.
- I also woke up a few times those very early weeks to Wesley sleeping on Jarrod's chest. There is nothing like watching the tangible love between the man of my dreams and our baby.
- As Wesley got older, I'd pick him up from daycare and he would kick his feet and grin. He knew I was his mama and he loved me!
- A few months ago Wesley started something new - when I pick him up to get him ready for bed or after his bath he will cling to me and pat my back, hugging me really tight. It is absolutely precious.
It's not all sunshine and roses, but some days are really good. Monday was President's Day and I had the day off from work. Jarrod still had to work, so Wesley and I had a date day. Before Jarrod left I got a great walk in, Wesley and I got ready for the day, and I responded to some work issues. We left for his doctor's appointment - he got a shot and screamed, but was immediately okay once he was offered a sticker! We ran a few errands, singing in the car with the windows rolled down, before killing some time in Target. While we were looking at house stuff, Wesley grabbed my hand, rubbed it on his face, and giggled like crazy. It was adorable.
After Target and a few more errands, we met Daddy for lunch. It was awesome to share lunch with Jarrod during a work-day! After lunch, Wesley and I went home, read one book, rocked, and he took a nap! That left me with a few hours to get work done. I responded to e-mails, put out some fires at work, and made a running belt.
Before I knew it, Wesley had been asleep for 2.5 hours and was waking up! I packed a snack and took him for a walk. We went about 3 miles or so and got home just a few minutes before Jarrod! After some time together as a family at home, we got back outside and went to the park! It was awesome and beautiful outside. After the park, dinner, and bath, Wesley went to bed with only a tiny fight, which is a victory in our house! What a beautiful day!
It was simple, and probably boring for some, but it was a beautiful day.